Monday, January 29, 2007

God damn it

  • The fuckers at Pizza Hut Express forgot to put seasoning on the breadsticks. FUCK YOU.
  • I don't like the "$2.99" Wendy's ad with the 2 guys in the library.
  • Tipping sucks. It should be illegal. Please include the full price of labor in my product, I will pay it, thank you. I don't want to deal with the thought of poors in the service industry thinking I am cheap.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Mid-Week Moaning

  • Walking into a bathroom and seeing a bathroom attendant is like being sucker-punched in the kidney. Especially if you don't have a single to throw at the guy. I'm not going to stand there and make change while men unzip their pants all around me. And when it's a shitty bar (I'm looking at you, Joe's on Weed St.) it's all the more inexcusable.
  • I have pain under my right shoulder blade.
  • The Pizza Hut express I like to frequent has been out of Pepsi for a week and half. I have ordered Mountain Dew as a substitute both times, and both times I have immediately regretted not getting Sierra Mist instead.
  • Elevator in apartment building STILL BROKEN. There is a sign that says "Sorry for the temporary inconvenience." I have been meaning to cross out "temporary," but somebody beat me to the punch, writing "Are you going to fix it?" at the bottom. Perhaps I should find this person and have them be my co-blogger--a clogger, if you will.

Monday, January 8, 2007

A New Week, A New Complaint

  • Come right in to my office, temporary secretary! Don't bother knocking! My door is closed for no reason. [Boilerplate inquiry as to whether barns were an integral part of secretary's upbringing.]
  • MySpace crashes my Firefox at work all the time. I blame Firefox partially but mostly the people who just aren't content with a mere 16 pictures of themselves. Thanks for you 200 slideshows. I do not blame myself for looking at MySpace at work so don't bother posting about it.

Friday, January 5, 2007

Friday Complaints

  • Is there any word's pronounciation that makes less sense than "indicted?" I can't think of one.
  • There's been an accident on the lower level of the Lake Shore Drive bridge two of the last three times I've driven through there. Stay in your lane, assholes.

Thursday, January 4, 2007

Lengthier Economics Complaint

I must protest the current batch of Miller High Life ads. Putting aside the fact that High Life is a shitty brew made of algae-laden sea foam and fermented dandelions unfit even for hobo consumption, these ads insult my intelligence.

The saucy fellow in the picture storms into snooty establishments and reclaims the High Life because apparently these places are over-priced. I wish he could explain how creating a scarcity of a product would produce the "tasty price" he claims to champion. Before you know it, cases of High Life (and the only beer worse than High Life: High Life Light) will be on eBay going for triple face value. And maybe that would be for the best. But still. This perversion of simple supply-and-demand principles cannot stand. I hereby complain about it.

Sporty Afternoon Complaint

  • In football, fullbacks should be called halfbacks and halfbacks should be called fullbacks. Quarter, half, full. Do the math.

More Complaints

  • The new Soft Scrub bottle design is faulty. The goo comes blorping out in oversized globs.
  • The people at Corner Bakery frequently forget to put croutons in my caesar salad. There are three fucking ingredients in caesar salad. Leaves, dressing, and croutons (maybe some cheese). How brain-dead are you to say, here is a complete caesar salad, even though it is just a pile of damp leaves without croutons.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007

First Complaints

  • It is "per se" not persay.
  • I don't like the Nissan ad where they pretend to fast forward through a football game on DVR to watch a Nissan truck ad playing Ironman. If you think both Ironman and Nissan trucks are cool, you are still in junior high. If you think trucks are cool but not Nissan trucks, you are a redneck.
  • One of my building's three elevators has been broken for like three weeks now.